The Talk You Keep Putting Off
““You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,' and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment. But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.””
— Matthew 5:21-24 (NIV)
Jesus was teaching on a hillside in Galilee, three days' walk north of Jerusalem. Sacrifice happened in one place only, the temple in that city. Picture a farmer who has saved for a lamb and walked it south for three days. Turning around meant three days home, a week of lost work, and the road south again. It also meant crossing a packed temple court with empty hands while hundreds watched. In his language, "brother or sister" covered any neighbor, not only your own family. Every town had a bench of twenty three elders that tried killings. He put a man's temper in front of that same bench. Jewish teachers later put the same rule in writing. The Day of Atonement covered what a person owed God, never what he owed his neighbor. Peace with a neighbor was not counted as made until the neighbor himself said so.
There is someone you now speak to only when you have to. Maybe the fault was yours, maybe theirs, maybe nobody remembers. It could be family, or a friend from years back. It could be someone at work, or the neighbor you stopped greeting. Or someone far away, and the calls keep getting shorter. Each of you is waiting for the other one to start. Jesus told people in your spot to go first, whoever was at fault.
Ask for a Time to Talk
- 1Before today ends, call or write to that person with a day and an hour in it: "I know things are not right between us. Could we talk on Saturday at eleven?" No explaining and no blaming. If they live far away, a call at a set hour counts.
- 2If you see that person every day, say those two sentences out loud instead, and settle the time before you leave the room.
God, there is one person I keep stepping around, and you know who it is. I have been waiting for them to move first, and it has been easy to keep waiting. Help me call or write today, with a real day and a real hour in it. Keep me from defending myself or arguing about who was wrong. I cannot make them answer, but the asking is mine to do.
Today I will name a day and an hour for the talk I keep putting off.
Why would walking away from the altar cost so much?
Sacrifice happened in one place only, the temple in Jerusalem, and a listener in Galilee stood three days' walk from it. Going back to settle things meant three days home, a week of lost work, and the road south again, plus crossing a packed temple court with empty hands while hundreds watched.
Do I go first even if the other person is the one holding a grudge?
Yes, and no fault is assigned either way. Jewish teachers later put the same rule in writing: the Day of Atonement covered what a person owed God, never what he owed his neighbor. That one stayed open until the neighbor himself said he was satisfied, so the one who noticed the silence was the one who moved.
What if they do not answer, or there is no way to reach them?
Your part today is the offer of a day and an hour, not the answer you get back. Where someone truly cannot be reached, write down the one sentence you would say to them, and say it to God today.